As we have often observed, the first great rush of gaming technology was hallmarked by the drive for novelty. While the rest of the industry tended to concentrate upon space battles and threats to the ever-luckless planet earth, and with a limitless blank canvas before them, Konami chose to develop a game involving a frog on a motorway. Whether or not it would have gone on to become an instant classic under its original name of Highway Crossing Frog will never be known, however, a meeting of Sega executives charged with worldwide distribution of the game decided upon the far more zesty Frogger, and this instant classic became a must-have throughout the arcade world. Also, considering that there are more ways to get killed in Frogger than any other arcade game, not only is it not easy being green, it’s a positive bloodbath.

Frogger’s great simplicity no doubt had some bearing upon the popularity of the game. The intrepid amphibian was pitched against the speeding traffic with no more than the player’s skill with a joystick to see him across the road and river that form the trademark horizontally split screen. The player controls a not uncute frog, and attempts to guide him across the road, then across a river, to one of five ‘frog homes’ on the opposite side of the screen. The game is easy to grasp and therefore hugely playable, and contains a rather Zen quality in that, as in life, all Frogger really wants to do is get home safely to his lovely lady frog without hurting anyone. There are, however, plenty of things waiting to hurt Frogger: getting hit by a truck, bus, taxi, or motorcycle will kill him. Even getting hit by a cyclist will kill Frogger, although presumably also unseat the cyclist.

Having navigated the road, Frogger can catch his breath on what is known as the ‘median strip’, which forms a ‘wall’ between the road and the river sections. He is not particularly safe here, either. He could fall off the median strip, or get eaten by a snake. But it is while trying to cross the river that things become truly hazardous. It’s like the Somme. Sliding off the median strip will kill Frogger. Alligators, predictably, are fatal. Turtles and logs, upon which Frogger can sit in apparent safety, often turn out to be deathtraps: turtles can rather unsportingly dive, drowning Frogger, and floating logs often contain, again, snakes. Jumping too soon will kill Frogger. Jumping too late will kill Frogger. Accidentally jumping off the side of the screen will kill Frogger. Misjudging the final leap to a frog home will kill Frogger. Even otters, who are among the most charming creatures in nature, will kill Frogger, by eating him as he sits on a turtle. Even the game itself will kill Frogger, in the form of a time limit for each stage. Many a Frogger player must have asked themselves why he didn’t just set up home on the other side of the road and have done with it.

Frogger is very definitely among the greatest of the greats in gaming Valhalla, and it is no surprise to find that it has worked its way into popular culture. If features on an episode of overrated American ego-fest sitcom Seinfeld, which sees the principal characters negotiating traffic on a Manhattan street from above, while carrying a Frogger machine still containing George’s twenty year old high score of 863,050, alongside his initials, ‘GLC’. This is indeed a remarkable feat, as the world high score record is only 599,100, and there was no option to enter initials. In Austin, Texas, in 2005, a radio controlled vacuum cleaner was dressed as Frogger and manouvered back and forth across a road in a socially irresponsible real life version of the game. It managed ten crossings in its fifteen minute lifespan before being atomised by a sport utility vehicle.

Track two of the Pac Man Fever album – which, as you may recall, we are working through track by track – is entitled Froggy’s Lament, and is appalling, lacking even the technical information embedded in the lyrics of track one (see ‘Let’s Not Dance! It’s Pac Man Fever!‘, November 6th.) Following an laugh-stifling exhortation to ‘Pluck your magic twanger, Froggy’, we are told that ‘The way that he moves has no reason or rhyme’, which, as we have seen, is wrong, as the way in which Frogger moves is entirely bound up in his desire to avoid instant death. However, anyone who has played the game will sympathise with the plaintiff refrain ‘At times I wish Froggy had wings’. Someone at Konami should really look into that, and give the little green chap a fighting chance.

Next week we’ll be considering the merits of Centipede, which is track three on the album. If you’re thinking of bringing your dancing shoes, you’ll need about fifty pairs.